Good Riddance, 2008

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Meatpixel wishes all of you the best for 2009. Tip: Keep rotgut in empty bottles of the good stuff to serve once your guests’ taste buds are sufficiently anesthetized. They’ll never know the difference.

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Best smoothie recipe evah

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Because meatpixel.com is first and foremost concerned about your health and personal well being, here is an amazingly healthful smoothie recipe. It looks dagnasty, but tastes quite good and has Magic Healing Powers. Really. Chia seed was used as a superfood by the ancient Aztecs, and see what it did for them!

In a blender, layer the following:

  • Handful of fresh baby spinach
  • One banana
  • Handful of fresh pineapple
  • Small chunk of fresh ginger (or an ounce of fresh ginger juice)
  • Two Tbsp chia seed

Slowly add just a little Perrier (or other sparkling water) to make sure the greens get pulverized completely. I like to add a few ice cubes to make it colder. Rum optional.

Joke of the day

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Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.
His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’

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Hmm

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If you were a new stripper, wouldn’t you want your portfolio hosted at meatpixel.com. Wouldn’t you want meatpixel to take those photos? Of course you would.

Meatpixel’s 20-Minute Man Chow

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  1. Heat an iron skillet with olive oil. Not too hot. You don’t want it to smoke.
  2. Boil water.
  3. Add four or five chicken breast tenderloins to skillet. Use a lid to protect you from spattering oil if they’re frozen.
  4. Boil spaghetti.
  5. Cook tenderloins until they start to turn slightly tan on each side (you’ll have to turn them once).
  6. Heat half a jar of spaghetti sauce in microwave (I like Newman’s Own Sockarooni Sauce). Cover with paper towel, or you’ll get yelled at. Use low power for a couple minutes.
  7. Drain spaghetti. Dump into bowl with sauce.
  8. Put tenderloins on top of spaghetti, ‘all-covered-with-cheese,’ if you like.
  9. Turn off stove.
  10. Eat.

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Vintage Canadian Club Ads

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Canadian Clublink. These retro-ads from Canadian Club are cool, even if the whiskey is mediocre. My dad was a CC drinker. It was one of three items he had in the trunk (“boot” – UK) of his car his whole life. The other two items were a rifle and a shovel. I only ever saw him use the whiskey. I was well into my teens before I realized it probably wasn’t OK on a roadtrip to stop and mix a tall “CC & 7” to “help deal with the traffic.” And bad coughs were no match for a shot glass of CC mixed with honey. Everybody slept better.

America’s least-loved Democratic tickets

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  • Obama-Hillary: Why do the Clintons hate their party so much? A self-destructing ticket.
  • Obama-Edwards: Plastic Man doesn’t do it for me. He faded in the stretch last time. Lawyer.
  • Obama-Kerry: Not likely at all. But getting warmer. Still creepy.
  • Obama-Gore: A dark horse, but one I could live with. Al has tons of capital sitting around from AIT. Instant cred and enough ‘whiteness’ to more than dilute the creeping fear some Dem crackers still may have about voting for a black prez. Al would also be more than a match for whomever the GOP picks for veepee. I would pay money to see a Huckster/Al fried-squirrel-cage deathmatch faceoff. And with the icecaps melting and $5/gal. gas, people just might listen to him this time. Great powerpoints.

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2 types of interviewers

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There’s the kind that engage you in genuine conversation. They “get to know” you and subtlely extract clues about your competence and relative potential for workplace carnage. Then there’s the type that rattles questions at you like it’s some kind of hidden camera script. Honestly, if you can’t just talk pleasantly to someone using your inside voice, why bother with the whole fucking interview process? Insecurity, I guess. Types of interviews.

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Will humans ever go to mars?

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link. I’ve always categorized people into two groups: Given a 50-50 shot of survival, would you get on the rocket tomorrow to colonize Mars? Group A, please queue to the left; Darwin wants a word with you.

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FUFCP

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Fuck you, final cut pro reinstall of doom! fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

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